Is love really spontaneous and all encompassing ?

Doesn't our liking stop (or at least mitigate) for a person on knowing she (or he) is married or committed? Isn't it socially ‘obvious’ not to like a married girl? So if we can stop the feeling surely we can Initiate or ‘feel’ out of will.

Can't love be induced in a person by continuously talking about his crush? Can’t facts be distorted by fun-seeking friends to make him believe its love?

Didn't we all blow our first crush out of proportions by disclosing it to a roommate or a close friend? The next time he would meet, he would tease us in that context and we would presume that nice and funny feeling to be love.

Now going from the extreme to the ridiculous (for some who are deep sunk in this feeling currently)

Isn't there something called Love-on-rebound which is always a non- zero factor while ‘moving on’ to our next. It essentially is over-hyping the trait we missed so dearly in our Ex. So we compromised on other factors because we couldn't help comparing every time we thought about the issue. If it’s so predictable then sure enough a cynic like me is allowed to say it’s ‘need-born’.

How many love stories start from favors, which in the heat of the moment are taken as signs of genuineness. Because we were in the frame of mind of falling in love that favors seem as love, sorry ‘True love’.

Isn't it predictable to guess the crush of a shy boy as the extrovert 'social attraction of the room' bubbly girl? Aren't our crushes an embodiment of traits most of which are copy of ours and rest what we picked from people we admire all the way till now?

Don't anti-love waves engross us if we get a Supplementary in exam or miss a selection or are left behind the one, we hate to be overtaken by? Worse still as somebody in a 'Motivational' Workshop suggested "All love stories end when the girl gets into an MDI and the boy misses a cut-off”. To take it one step further, he missed the sectional cut-off because he was so busy explaining his strong subject to her (and basking in that glory) that he didn't balance his preparation.

Aren't all break-ups triggered by a small misunderstanding and fueled  by the feeling “if you care less ,I care lesser “

It all boils down to this - It’s only because we undermine the role of circumstances in what we felt great (the all so heavenly Love), that reality hits us hard later. More often than not "U have changed" is not true, it’s just that the circumstances have become less favorable and thereof our patience and enthusiasm has dipped. It’s because we ignored the implicit feasibility that helped love to be what it was, that we blanketly overhyped it and thought it to be all encompassing and later expectedly, hate it blanketly. May be, it’s because we crave to say the sweet romantic things to somebody someday (because of all the Romantic movies we have watched) that we end up saying things we hardly mean. To be fair to us we were just following the social protocols, we can’t just say “I find you interesting , I want to know more about you “ when everyone else is saying “I like you “ at the same level of acquaintance .The other person (especially if happens to be a girl) would assume it be avoiding commitment from the very beginning or worse still ‘lack of guts’

P.S.  Never mind asking me ‘Has something happened?’ I am neither coming of a bad experience nor a loser in love, Thank you.

I fanatically believed in ability but this world toned me down

Didn't we all, as kids were staunch believers in Hard work or Age. We thought (or were made to believe) that with  age(and following guidelines ) we would be able to do anything /everything. How we wished to do one day what our elders had the luxury of doing that time. I for  one (born arrogant that i  am ) backed myself to optimize not just copy. I, for the life of me, could not understand why on earth is the individual not doing it the optimized way. Is he not bright enough to figure that out, Does he really want to optimize that in the first place?

 Reaching the teenage we realized there is something called Talent which discriminates between two equally hard working individuals .Which explained why some people were fast learners than others. We also learnt  to blame it on (lack of ) interest for us not being good at something.Which may not be untrue in most cases but I personally think interest is not just black or white, its all gray. In a way we 'like' what we are good at. Say if someone is the mathematics-bond in his class but on changing the school he finds himself lost between similarly bright mates, chances are his interest will go down. Unless for the rare case, he takes it sportingly and  becomes Zealous from jealous. If even after 2-3 attempts he couldn't redeem himself then sure enough, his 'liking '  would go down. So in a way he just liked the appreciation associated with Maths and not exactly the subject.

Before the end of teenage, we accepted even two equally talented and hard working  individuals can have different outputs.There are other factors too that contribute which (sadly) are becoming important by the day. There is the Upbringing difference which has an important role. Life asked each of different questions and depending upon the responses we are what we are. We are expert in different things  because we had exposure in different things. But surely which of these exposure can be 'cashed' is beyond our control.

There after we stopped realizing.We became acceptors. Reality took its toll. We accepted once and for all, that our contribution to the output only increases our chances for success.There is no direct correlation between effort and results, forget a guarantee. So we had to put blinkers on our eyes lest we choke with frustration .

Entering into the corporate world we woke to the fact that even same outcome can have different interpretations. People will escalate only your negatives and positives will be trifled of. So we were really tempted to join in. Tempted to accept that Life flows in 'streamlined' manner in Corporate world. Every one passes through same point (receiving end of politics ) with same velocity (reaction) before changing ends.

May be a decade or two later, we will realize there is no such thing as 'success' its only peace of mind and health that matter.

Girl's formality guy's Love

If a survey be done on why most hearts break worldwide , I think one cause that will really stand out is that the things (gestures, smiles and SMSes) a girl did out of sheer formality , guy took as liking  (or love for that matter . Guys are impatient they don't want to be stuck in this Like zone for long :)). Blame it on guy's impulse to assume exclusivity.How on earth does a sweet gesture guarantee thats its not done for every fourth person she meets .The key here is the key is  number of encounter of that person ,( here again my half life funda comes into play ), it being guy's first time  and her fifth , she is 4 times more in control than him. This exposure difference is so typical when good colleges are doomed to be girl minority :(

Poor guy  hoping his kite of romance will fly with this romantic (every wave from the girl one likes  is romantic :)) wave . not to be...... this is one situation where even the Law of Averages fails him .For the uninitiated Law of Averages says that after 3 consecutive hundreds a Tendulkar will be out cheaply, never mind the form or the confidence level . its when the law catches up with him . similarly a Harbhajan ,after a series of single digit scores , will contribute substantially  .Anyways The poor guy thought he has outpersevered his bad luck and spends hours thinking rehearsing, re-rehearsing  the things he would say to her , just to get her smile ,just one smile exclusively for him, the smile that would wipe out all the unpleasantness  from his trackrecord .But thats when reality stikes , he finds the girl , his girl , showing the same warmth to some body else . thats when a sense of Betrayal strikes him ,how can she ....why couldn't she talk to him formally , why didn't she discuss the issue with  a female colleague in the first place .All girls are the same , inse to bat karna bekar hai, akhir main dil toot hi jata hai .

Heavy hearted the guy comes back  deletes all the SMSes from her which he once cherished (which he used as mood enchancers ) , thinks of deleting her from his facebook friendlist but a second thought tells him he wouldn't be able to see her pics once he does that. may be she deserves a second chance . may be it was real urgent stuff she was talking, may be she knows him from a long time , may be he is just a friend , may be , may be.....

The girl on the other hand , completely in oblivion of what this guy is thinking ,has her career as a sole  priority and has drawn clear cut lines for social conduct. she will smlile to the silliest of jokes when in a group but in a one to one conversation, will be a little serious with a guy without compromising on warmth.she would just  not react to anything that is remotely romantic or ahead of the situation .
and so it goes on ,the characters remain the same . the actors change .................

The curse of Bollywood songs

I think Bollywood songs are the main culprit for India being known as a sentimental nation and rightly so. Bollywood songs provide words to feelings which would have been better dealt-with from the subconscious .They bring feelings into the realm of the consciousness thereby aggravating the trouble .I have seen far too many people listening to senti songs after a not so good  emotional encounter (read reality bite) .and whats infinitely worse is the excuse they offer ,that in "this mood" they want to hear such songs only .Cant help mentioning the truck drivers who would play songs announcing how their love ditched them with killer lines like  "uski doli uth rahi thi ,mera janaza nikal raha tha" Come on , get a life.

By expresing our feelings through  songs we are only distorting our view of the event .Bollywoods songs are just statistical "mode" of feelings, more so the romantic ones . Say for example "kahin to hogi vo duniya jahan tu mere pass hai ". i mean who wouldn't empathize to such a line when 99% of people are not with the person they wanted and the remaining 1 % are finding  out that the person they so desperately desired is nothing but human with all the characteristic imperfections that didn't seem to matter earlier.  I personally would go to the extent of  disapproval to discussing sentimental problems with "close " friends because it only shuffles the priorities in your mind (not to forget it adds an extra factor to worry about of having to put a face in front of the person you are discussing). I didn't say that we bottle up all problems and choke ourselves with frustration .All i m trying to say is that we should "objectify "  the problem before discussing to another person, we should be clear about what  is to be done unconditionally and what remains variable and its still better to know the exhaustive set of values the variable can take i.e. the possible line of actions

I personally have made the same mistake innumerable times,discussing "live" problems, may be out of  sheer need of sympathy :).Still do ;) but i would like to think i deal with them better now :)

the statistical nature of luck

Wouldn't luck like all of us prefer to have options. we cant just be good in one thing and ask our luck to make it a success.By being  good at many things we put less pressure on luck giving it a handful of options to choose from. This explains why people who have back-up plans (read good placements) tend not to need them as they convert good mba colleges and the much talked about and never worked upon 'Rich are getting  rich and poor are getting  poorer '. The rich as the book 'Rich dad poor dad' so loudly tells u gave ample opportunity to their (good)luck . while the poor look for reasons to curse theirs
If you give your good luck too many chances it will take a few  while bad luck 'creates opportunities ' . Personally  i believe in statistical nature of luck or in other words the sum total being same for  every body .for some luck manifests in form of fame,  for some money and for the rest  peace of mind which generally eludes the former . there is no way to ascertain that an an IITian is more lucky than a regular college (in love IITians are much  less statistically speaking ;) )

the cynic in me

sometimes i waste lot of time in futile arguments. there is no use convincing people about anything. first they try their level best in not accepting anything outside their prejudice second even if they lose the argument ,all they take from there is that i  disproved them so next time whatever i say they will try to disprove me . no body in this world needs advices , everyone needs their prejudices to be reaffirmend or they just want to vent out their reasons to someone just to prove to themselves that they are being reasonable
everything good i do goes into the cache and anything bad goes into hard disk. stupid fuck. i have far more important things to worry about
for once vik was right . phone conversations actually worth nothing . 3 years of phone friendship is just one misconstruation away from falling apart . go to hell all of you

why women are emotionally smarter than men

every one of us has seen a guy becoming "devdas" in love,but not many of us saw a girl going crazy in love for too long. . females are far better in "drawing the lines" so to speak.blame it on the work they routinely perform.
i always believed this at the back of my mind but a recent incident brought it into the open. last sunday i endeavoured to try my hand at cleaning my room owing to a one month long absence of my maid.i tried to be a perfectionist at first and ended up taking too much on myself. its like the half life thing every time you swipe the room with the wet cloth , the dust levels became half of previous value you cant just 'complete' it ,add to that marks i would leave by my foot.that moment i really admired my buaji's approach. she once made a room closed from years livable in an hour as she knew when to stop . hats off
i think girls are programmed to be like that from the starting. they are warned time and again not to get stuck with one thing,they are always taught to play safe ,while guys are encouraged to be daring.hence most girls would not say hi to a guy if she has the slightest doubt he may not reply back  or for that matter reply to a guys sms . they test the guys seriousness by ignoring.vaise to be fair to them the attitudeof our society has a lot to do with this . a girl ignoring a guy is a routine but the converse is a news. the extreme case of this when a guy rejects a girl her image takes a irreversible beating and only way to regain that is to change the workplace.

problem discussion with girls

discussion with girls never solves problems .at best u can get sympathy which however good it may sound at first , makes you see the problem in a graver light than it actually is..compared to a guy who will start off by saying chal be . sabke sath hota hai ye....... ultimately its only you who is goibg to solve the problem its all about the point of view that gets effected

the icon of attitude

Mahendra singh dhoni , the new immortalalized icon of indian india cricket or for that matter, india as country, is an model of any youngster, more so for an MBA aspirant .my PDP teacher told me "if you have it in you to become a good cricketer then you can easily be a good manager".he was stressing on the similarity of traits that separate great cricketers or managers from good ones.dhoni may may never please the purists with his batting technique,but he has the record as a player and more so as captain that he needn't care about them.he emerged into the scene in 2004 when most of this world cup wiinning team members had become stalwarts in their own right.there was the maverick dasher Sehwag,to the party animal Yuvraj and the larger than life Tendulkar , not to forgot the god of techical correctness Dravid and  the passing titan sourav Ganguly .7 years down the line he commands the respect and admiration of all of them.